Loveliness 1 – Anger 0

Yesterday was a weird day…not in a billionaire businessman becomes President or I put my new pink  shoes in the car unspoilt and they came out with an immovable stain way..but in a life never ceases to amaze me way. (Shall I just tell you what happened? chimes the editor in my head)..So, I went to my favourite place on the planet, with my best friend and a four pack of ripple bars –  always be prepared, my stint in the girl Guides has positively impacted me for life – we were intent on connecting with God deeply and avoiding paying hefty prices for snacks.We did both.

 

Scotland is such a beautiful land – all rugged coastline and rich fields of lush green grass..its impossible for me to look at this beauty without thinking of my Faith ..of my Creator..and of how much I need wellies!( I have pink ones with blue splodges, the boots not the Almighty) On the beautiful south west coast hides my favourite place to be – Culzean Castle, a real jewel in the crown of the National Trust..she says quoting the blurb! It is rather regal though, all Robert Adams architecture and cliff face walks. I love to go in winter as well as summer, when the wild winds and driving rain bring out my inner Tess of the D’urbervilles..and wee drookit Lorna fae Symingtons’ too!!

Getting around is a challenge and yesterday I was really upset by how much I have lost as a person thanks to my health problems after mesh surgery. I can’t walk far without aid, I can’t run, jump, climb, nestle on tree-tops or play the harp..( one of theses I couldnt before surgery anyway!!) and gone are my extremely accurate Michael Jackson impressions. I shed a few tears as I watched folks enjoy the clear spring day and the estate in all its natural beauty. I know I cope best by counting my Blessings and focusing on the positives, but sometimes life just sucks.

The besty is a legend and he quickly sought to make me feel better ..by reminding me of the excellent parking spaces I now enjoy..he was right! Chin up. We went to the Swan pond – yep, youve guessed it – where a posse of beautiful, snowy white , elegant birds graced a rather busy vista. A heron, ducks, cute little black and white birds with orange beaks, several geese and a myriad of small fish all happily co-existed in a walled pond surrounded by huge ferns, reeds and green rushes, all growing wild and free in this watery wonderland. The poet in me was unstoppable and I took time out in the biting northerly wind to compose an ode to the scene before me – I doubt it would even make it to my mum’s fridge, but I got a real boost by being creative instead of depressed!

Anyhoo, as I was considering my literary brilliance, or more accurately , a word that rhymes with wonderful, I checked my facebook. Well, wouldn’t it be just the thing that the tall, handsome, millionaire Jesus Lover gets in touch when I’m out?!!!

He didnt, but a  friend had tagged me in on a story in New Zealand about a woman with similar injuries to me who has also had her life decimated. He was right, it did interest me. As I was about to add my comment of support, that’s when I saw it – HER COMMENT – A woman I have never met but who produced such rage from me as I have not experienced in ..well, since the last time! She had added her sympathy to the woman’s condition, but said it was HER FAULT!!! I was absolutely stunned, and as I read on , with a sort of red mist framing her typed trash, I saw that she had added, “Going for surgery is something you don’t just trust to the surgeons. It was her responsibility to research mesh – her health is her responsibility, nobody elses”…OH MY GOODNESS…I was so incensed I dropped my phone  and the F-bomb.

This woman said that anyone who blindly trusts the surgeon is an idiot . I really was shaking by this time – how could anyone think, let alone say that? I was “an idiot” then, I trusted my medical expert who said I was having a simple operation that would help my embarassing ladies problem. No bother. The use of words like “simple” “EASY” “never notice it”allayed any fears and I did not even consider any complications…

Her post went on to say that if she googled mesh it tells of the risks…YES, NOW IT DOES..and only thanks to folks like the woman she was berating, who bravely shares her story to warn others. I had my finger poised to type a suitably scathing reply, when a swan hooted over the announcement of his take off and with a glorious flap of his magnificent wings, he eased gracefully into the air and flew high up into the waiting clouds..stunning, but I had a vicious retort to write..my finger  returned to the keypad.when a whisk of wind nearly lifted me up as high as the swan and my trusted walker rolled away. I couldnt help giggling as I limped away to get it..passing a little toad hiding in the grass..I LOVE Creation, did I say that?

My friend had fozen to the spot waiting and I knew we should move before ppl started taking their photos beside him and putting traffic cones on his head..but I hadnt forgotten her message .. she needed to be told…

Anger fuelled me as I navigated my way down a rocky cliff path to the waiting beach – the magnificent sea glistening like dancing diamonds up ahead.Oh how wonderful to be alive! I was in a lot of pain , the bump and bashing as I went petrifying my pelvis and creating waves of agony that permeated my legs and buttocks..MY FAULT? I  mulled over the vile facebook post again, when , up ahead a waterfall disturbed me with its free falling music and joyful gurgling serenade…I had to stop and capture this image for posterity..although it is imprinted in my head and heart forever.

So to the beach- tired, sore and nursing my anger ..my breath was taken away. Tumbling before me in majestic beats, the sea was simply resplendent. God spoke to me – not in a big, booming voice that would interrupt the waves, but in a whisper that sweetened my ear…THIS, THIS IS WORTH MULLING OVER…THIS. AND ME. AND LOVE. THIS…

I looked out through free falling  salty tears as the sun set in the golden sky, casting beautiful shadows on the water….I am not a nasty person, I don’t like conflict –  when people say hurtful things that aren’t true – I can either respond like them..or keep my focus on what is good. God.

There is a Bible verse which says,

“Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.”

Phillipians 4 v 8-9

 

YOWZER!!!!!! And that my dear fiends is what I have done. And my damning retort that would shut up this ignorant writer? It ebbed away on a dancing wave..and I Prayed for her. I Prayed Blessings like  Peace would  flow through her like the one I am enjoying right now…and as I did, my anger was replaced with a sense of JOY..Joy because I have sisters in mesh all over the world who are so very dear and special to me ..that one ill informed comment can’t take away! I am focusing on the good…

So, well done for making it to the end …the ripple bars were surprisingly spared for another day…although a long forgotten packet of cheese Dorrittos were wolfed down early on!! Life is good…LOVE  is better.

LOVELINESS – 1 ********** ANGER AND BITTERNESS –  0!!!

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One thought on “Loveliness 1 – Anger 0

  1. Words are so carelessly used and cannot be taken back. I have always believed we need to be so careful in our use of words. They can be such a boost when used sensitively, can buildi us up, can convey love and support, can encourage in our darkest times. Can be a source of fun.
    You are the bigger person in this horrid scenarioA.mazing the number of experts who want to air their opinion and ignorance. You are wise to let her think about what she has written.
    Good that you had chocolate at the ready! AND of course God there to comfort you

    Like

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