Story of my life…testing one, two, me!

Here it is! My  first ever attempt at global communication. Is the world really ready? Does the world even care who Lorna Farrell, aged 50, single mum, single woman, comedian, screenwriter, Scottish, hopeless giggler, procrastinator, disabled,playwright, God loving, bad dancing , with terrible grammar,  sports watching , people watching , music loving ,  story telling woman is? Probably not – but here goes!!




I have a passion to tell stories- to write, shout, sing, dance, hear, live STORIES. Life stories. I have been privileged to meet so many folks with inspirational , heart warming stories of triumph over adversity, survival, illness, breakthrough and breaking FREE.

I will be sharing some as this WordPress malarkey progresses. (The one about the sexually abused guy who ended up rescuing sex trafficked girls in Thailand is BEAUTIFUL!)

I have discovered on this journey of life we truly are all beautiful. Yes YOU! Not the latest look that the world fawns over- whether blonde/red/black/blue or, the beauty of the soul that is made in the image of it’s Creator..( stay with me folks, I get to the topless go-kart story later…)

I have struggled to see beauty in myself all my life.  Haven’t we all?

I was born in Ayrshire, raised in a wee village called Symington in South West Scotland – the middle child of three girls to a working class family of no particular note of interest, ( or so I thought!) I loved climbing trees, playing football, writing and performing plays , singing into my hairbrush and dreaming of marrying Dave from Showaddywaddy.( I have stopped several of these activities.Several more remain!)

I went to school where I excelled at nothing in particular other than giggling. I was never awarded a prize for this. I was very good at quizzes, reciting Burns poetry, playing netball, running, writing, telling stories & telling lies. I was awarded several prizes for some of these things.

As befits a house full of females – with the quiet, easy going exception of my dad who was happiest ignoring us all and watching Mastermind – there was noise, fights, laughter , tears and stolen Bowie albums. I was most certainly the peacemaker..which may also be a word for timid. I often felt like my voice was loudest in my head- where all the best  witty one liners and sarcastic put downs lived. I was happiest and saddest on my own.

Every Sunday, as a youngster, I was sent to Sunday school – (hugely embarrassing when some of the cool kids passed you going in the other direction) – and actually LOVED  the storytelling. I thought Jesus and all his pals were amazing and I couldn’t wait to hear more about His life and the adventures in the Bible. It seemed to touch my heart in a weird way that even sherbet dib dabs couldn’t. I could live without the purple faced minister shouting at us from the pulpit. I guess he hadn’t heard all the great news that Jesus brought.

Teenage years were quite frankly AWFUL. Who ever knew what was right to say or do? Too many hormones and not enough Little House on the Prairie. Yes, I wore the ra ra skirts, blue clogs, red Kickers, ripped jeans , combat jackets, cheesecloth kurta tops, gypsy skirts and Frankie T-shirts. I was more awkward than cool!

I listened to Bob Marley, The Doors, The New Seekers,Madness, Siouxsie and the Banshees , The Clash, Bruce Springsteen, Michael Jackson, Prince, Simple Minds, The Corries, Culture Club , Stevie Wonder, The Specials, The Muppets, The Alexander Brothers, Human League, Spandau Ballet, David Bowie and so much more. If it played at the Magnum ice rink, I liked it

I protested AGAINST Apartheid, Racism, Sexism, War , Thatcher, Pit closures & plans to change the name of Ayr Bruins Ice Hockey team. ( I didn’t really care about the latter but a really handsome guy called Alistair was the captain and he asked me to sign!)

I protested FOR the ANC , Greenpeace, Amnesty International , a day to commemorate Martin Luther King Jr and the introduction of a kettle in the sixth form study base. ( Success came  in varying degrees ; I never got a cup of tea at school but the whales are faring ok.)

Through all of this, I had a shoulder length bob.

I never really fell in love. I just pretended. I think my real self was stuck deep inside, just waiting to get out – so I was far too nervous/self conscious/sure my bum looked big in everything /afraid nobody would like me /afraid somebody would like me,  that angst and absurd thinking were my constant companions.

I did pour myself about 15% into non life threatening , mildly interesting  relationships with the sports captain, the tearaway, the funny but not handsome class clown, the cool guy with the great record collection, the exotic looking, surly quiet guy – ( who  years later I met in a maximum security prison doing life!)  -and, of course ,my ex  husband. Oh how different my choices would be today!( Any handsome , God loving , funny, intelligent, financially secure, strong, tender , 40 plus Mr Wonderful’s should apply in writing with a photo attached)

I learned early on that grown ups have double standards, like telling me not to lie then telling me about Santa. Or persuading me to eat rhubarb then withholding  clotted cream scones! Although I did tell my own kids that there was a tooth fairy who lived up the lemonade river and that God blew out the fireworks so the sky wouldn’t burn!

I also realised I was never going to look like a native American Indian coupled with Winona Ryder, but that I had a beaming smile which sometimes got me out of the trouble my Usain Bolt speeded tongue caused. Only sometimes.

I learned that sometimes what we want, what we really really want is not some zig a zig ah but some Guidance, some purpose. As a committed Jill of all trades and mistress of none, I dreamt of world domination and statues in my honour- just not ever knowing what for. Being liked was my primary purpose in life. Not the most fulfilling but I tried ever so hard at it.

I was – and still am – a strong , loyal, independent, resourceful, self sufficient woman who enjoys her own company …who wants loved completely by her perfect soulmate,  white horse optional,amazing eyes compulsory, all the while I will be  wearing an exquisite ballgown and playing with cute baby animals who come visit me at my heart shaped cottage in the forest by the sea.  I know, I am a disgrace to the sisterhood!.

I have never stopped fantasizing about scoring the winning goal for Scotland against Brazil in the football world cup. We have of course eliminated England in the semi finals.

I spent nearly 50 years trying to find answers to the wrong questions – I don’t have all the answers today, but I know I am asking the right questions now. Life is not really about us – it’s about how we love God and the ones around us. Life for me is getting closer to my Maker ( that is definitely a blog to come later) and learning to love and live in the present. Daydreams are ok- but TODAYDREAMS  are better! I was made for something more than my 3 score years and 10- God made me for SOMETHING!!!! I am on the journey of discovering what.

I know having a Christian Faith is not getting me cool points- but I don’t care, it’s changed my life. Anyway, wearing your socks inside your american tan tights  or MC Hammer trousers used to be cool and nobody likes them today.

I am not all “together” yet- my story has been one of love, loss, health, sickness, riches and poverty…and some great folks along the way. I thought I would never survive divorce..I did. Or being in a wheelchair..I am doing stand up routines about it! Poverty? Meh, you can’t buy the Peace and joy I have.Each one has a story….every person who has coloured my life along the way is a wonderfully crafted chapter. I am ready to tell you/

So – first blog of introduction complete- I shall begin the storytelling with tales of arguing with a pimp on the streets of Capetown , interviewing David Beckham , interviewing James Bond!, getting a Christmas peg stuck up my nose, breaking my wrist and three fingers doing a cartwheel, flying in the Spirit, receiving hundreds of pounds  anonymously JUST  when I need them, sharing jokes with Ronan Keating and shattering the tranquillity of a Cathedral when the wheel fell off my wheelchair!

Now, about that topless go kart incident..oopps, you’ll need to read the next blog!!





5 thoughts on “Story of my life…testing one, two, me!

  1. (((((((Lorna)))))) what a gem you are, here am I after a horrible painful week surviving MESH Legacy, and I log on to this TRULY LOVELY LOVELY Lady, telling it all. Lorna, I could sit with you, and in many areas of life, parallel with you. Lorna knowing you through the lovely meshies, has been to me, ENRICHMENT, with ALL you have come through, still managing to SMILE and most of all GIGGLE, you are a treasure, with hidden treasures you never hide under a bushe, bless you Lorna, and keep us giggling and smiling((((((wee hug frae paisley))))))))


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s